Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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