One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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