Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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