I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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