Will you blow on my dice?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
