She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
