Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
