it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
