just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize