Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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