I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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