he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
