Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
