I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet he comes in French.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize