i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
