I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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