Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
