Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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