whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
