I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
