I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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