One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
