as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
