I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
