Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
