We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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