His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
