I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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