it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My bed smells like the plague
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