who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize