I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
