um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize