I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
