If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
