im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
