nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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