i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize