So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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