She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i came on her dog
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
