omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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