So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize