make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
