just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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