dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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