I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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