Cold hands, warm shart.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
