do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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