We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
