your room smells of hookers.
And success
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
