My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need water and some morals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
