remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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