Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
