He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
