At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize