he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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