If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
