So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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