Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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