I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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