Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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