it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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