At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
