I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
