DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
