Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
