Who did Billy Mays play for?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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