I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
