My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
