I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
