Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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