I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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