i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So much Jack, so little girl.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
